Wednesday 12 January 2011

Where Bad Adverts Go to Die

We’ve all been subjected to adverts that were just plain bad, these days they hit you as soon as the credits stop rolling. If you didn’t escape the living room to get a bag of crisps or whatever then you could have been the victim of some terrible adverts.
They could be annoying, plain stupid, guilt trip inducing or just rubbish for no definable reason.
There once was a time when viewers like us were powerless against these ruthless nonsense peddlers.

This has all changed now with The Bad Ad Graveyard.
Finally the little man can hit back. Tell us about your advertising gripes. Which advert do you hate? Which adverts lie? Which adverts’ science-bit was more like science fiction?

Please tell us about your all-time worst advert and it will go straight in the Advertising Hall of Shame. If we get enough comments on the same advert then that advert will actually die as it turns out, so choose wisely (please allow 48 hours for processing and eventual advert death)
The stronger, more resistive bad ads may need a good few comments to keep ‘em down but the html programming should be fairly sound in this respect, I made it myself.


Here’s one to get you started:

That Hateful Tassel-Faced Punter off the Go Compare Adverts


I’m sure this guy must be the spawn of Satan because there's nothing else on TV that means I have to literally leave the room.
The only thing it makes me want to go compare is which household object hitting his face makes the best noise. Actually, that’s not entirely true because I would also like to go compare the enjoyment I get from attaching his twisty moustache to the back of a moving train compared with the enjoyment I get watching him run over by an uninsured driver in a Vauxhall Nova.
Is there anybody out there that actually likes these adverts?

Please stick your comment in if you have any views on this or any other bad ads you may have been forced to witness.

22 comments:

  1. What about the spam used to get me to this blog?

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  2. Yeah, I'll put that on the list. thanks for the comment Graham.

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  3. I'd love to do a parody of these adverts:

    Egypt:
    "The symbols seem to say 'Nail the coffin shut!'"

    Tropical Island:
    "After 3 months, I found a note, it read 'Throw bait into the ocean to encourage the sharks.'"

    Silent Version:
    [The opera singer gets stuck in the police car as it falls over the cliff]

    That sort of thing.

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  4. Haha top stuff mate, as soon as I find a way to get pirate adverts on TV I'm coming to find you.
    You can wear the moustache.

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  5. I'll have to put on about 50 stone first.

    If we put them on youtube, people are bound to find them funny and link to them all over the internet.

    I've also been thinking that with all the price comparison websites, like Go Compare, Confused.Com, Money Supermarket and Compare the Market, it might be worth creating a price comparison comparison website, so as to allow people to compare the best deals from each of the price comparison websites.

    I'll call it "gocomparetheconfusedmoneysupermeerkat.com".

    Meanwhile, some of the adverts I'm not keen on in other sectors include the range of Envirophone adverts, including these gems:

    Mr Wonga Head:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thtb-XnbJ58

    Video game world:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1Xwk3i-9o4

    Monkey scratching itself:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFFyV9YDSl4

    Butterfly mustaches?:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSCETEI-gfs

    Martians:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OweTeWqzWM0

    Christmas edition:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cCc1EE1jPc

    The guy comes on, says the same thing in each advert, and mimes. He probably eats the phones. That's why it doesn't matter if they work or not.

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  6. Warning! The following advert for Heinz Tomato Soup will drive you up the wall.

    It really blows.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2X7MpKfQMo

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  7. Yes, it seems you were right on all those adverts. Just been having a look myself. It made for some hard watching but I forced myself in the name of public interest.

    For starters, that Heinz advert was pretty diabolical. Supposed to be blowing "Love me Tender" by Elvis Presley?
    But in fact, yes, it did just blow full stop.

    And Wongaman? Looks like they have Wonga'd Jamie Oliver to widescreen proportions, then for each advert they just upped their medication every time. Those producers must have been on some serious acid when they thought "he should be riding a giant moustache, flying through some kind of moustache world." What the fk is going on there?!?!

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  8. Well spotted Anthony, you clearly have a good nose for bad ads. I'm promoting you to Chief Researcher.
    Now I just need to get to work on some tombstones for these boys.

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  9. "Got an old tomb stone? Want some money for it? Cash? Dosh? WONGA!"

    The new tomb stone picture at the top of the page s brilliant.

    Thank you also for the promotion. I'll keep my eyes open for more terrible adverts.

    While this is a stale offering, the newer Moon Pig advert is less annoying than the older one:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M41CRqdWQEU

    The advert is bad enough, but with a name like "Moon Pig", they're not going to get custom from the Islamic or Jewish communities (about 23% of the human population of Earth). I'm neither of those, and I do enjoy pork chops, bacon, and other porcine products, but what do pigs have to do with greetings cards?

    I'll have something a bit more topical next time :)

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  10. Also, "Moon Pig" is one comma away from sounding like a command that tells the pig to show it's bottom. Not the sort of thing you want to imagine when you want to order a greetings card.

    Anyway, the current "We Buy Any Car" advert where the happy "customers" chant "I just sold my car, quick quick!" seems to be full of plot holes.

    For a start, they're all standing in front of their cars. So they've sold their cars and pocketed the money? Seems dodgy to me.

    Next in the small print, it says something about a £49.99 admin fee. They promise to pay you a minimum of £50 for your car, so I'll let you do the maths with that.

    Finally, I tried to sell them my mint condition 1985 Volkswagen Golf. According to the Corgi website, it's worth £14.99, even if it's never been out of the box. But the people at "We Buy ANY Car" don't seem to be interested. They should change the name of their company, since it makes promises they're not living up to!

    Here's the advert, complete with that b@stard of a tune that gets stuck in your head and makes you want to rip your hair out for the rest of the week:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lylLAxzS4E

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  11. Not content with warping our minds with flying mustaches, Wongaman has returned atop his own head, as he does battle with a sperm / flower hybrid thing.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyoOevbCdmA

    What does this have to do with recycling (stolen) mobile phones for money? I'm not sure. If you can explain it to me in a way that makes sense, I'll be sure to send you some WONGA!

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  12. Got to be those Co-op ads with the husband and wife. Dear God, what a load of prententious crap!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiYW3gL3CN0
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL2furkhskE&feature=related

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  13. I'd not realised those were Co-op adverts - I lose interest about 30 seconds into their fevered rantings, which is several minutes before the voice over mentions who it's for. Advertising at it's worst there.

    Recently, in the continuing Wongaman "saga", Mr.W has been experimenting with some mosquitoes he found in amber, and filled in the gaps in the DNA with his own:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov4lwzApm5Q

    Even more recently, he's decided to stop cloning dinosaurs, and clone himself. Realising this was illegal, he's shipped his clones to some snowy mountains and left them to pull stupid faces:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMuXhmZECGo

    On the scale of annoyingness from 0 to Crazy Frog, this guy is almost at Gio Compario levels.

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  14. Seen the new Go Compare ad. Complete shit shite!!! Can these ads get any worse????

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  15. He had babies, and those astronauts landed on his home planet.

    From the look of the size of his belly, he's still got a few hundred more mustached alien babies in there.

    The previous one (where he doesn't sing) was a little better, though the instrumental is a reminder of horrors past, and forces me to mute it or change the channel.

    Where will Gio Compario go next? I wouldn't put it past him to land on the Titanic just as it gets struck by an iceberg and starts singing about iceberg collision insurance.

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  16. Are we allowed to swear on this forum??? Just nobody seems to. Swearing really is a fab way of releasing inner tension. See, I was going to start frustrating my anger toward Iggy Pop. Man, is he smoking too many c pipes??

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  17. Just a quick note - yes, you can swear or really do anything you want on this forum.
    Indeed the most foullest of expletives are completely justified when faced with the likes of Wongaman, Gio Compario and that other knobhead who likes sausages.
    Swear all you want boys, let it all out.

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  18. "Swear all you want boys"!!!!! Us ladies do use this site too. lol.
    Another ad that pee's me off is that Specsaver one(I think), where this little fucker runs around his sitting room jumping on furniture and screaming. This results in the dad's glasses being broken. That kid is either suffering with ADHD or is one disrespectful little bastard!! He needs a good kick up the arse.

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  19. What I meant to say was swear all you want boys and girls!

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  21. I'll take that as permission to lower the tone somewhat:

    The recent Confused.com adverts feature a female-looking cartoon with whispy hair pulling things out of a place where things aren't supposed to be.

    Most recently, a bunch of flowers:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxdA9_BLyVE

    Going a little further back, a microphone, complete with microphone stand (ouch!):
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeuaMuRP9FI

    But the most impressive feat of "cramming something huge into the intimate feminine region" was this one:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi_SYi2-Shs

    This one even makes the right noise on the way out!

    Don't try those at home, kids!

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  22. Good on her. No wonder she's screeching!! ;o)

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